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	<title>Hugh Ryan &#187; Profiles / Interviews</title>
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	<link>http://hughryan.org</link>
	<description>Freelance writer</description>
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		<title>J.B. Ghuman JR&#8217;s Once Upon a Dream</title>
		<link>http://hughryan.org/j-b-ghuman-jrs-once-upon-a-dream</link>
		<comments>http://hughryan.org/j-b-ghuman-jrs-once-upon-a-dream#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Sun, 31 Aug 2014 22:42:41 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>hugh</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[VICE]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Art]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Arts & Culture]]></category>
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		<category><![CDATA[Photo Essay]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Profiles / Interviews]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://hughryan.org/?p=452</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[First published on VICE.com, August 30, 2014. Read the original, with photos, here.
What if John F. Kennedy and Marilyn Monroe stole a time-traveling DeLorean and teleported to the future to get married?
That’s the burning question answered in Once Upon a Dream,  filmmaker J. B. Ghuman Jr.’s new art project. The photo series casts  [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><em>First published on VICE.com, August 30, 2014. Read the original, with photos, <a href="http://www.vice.com/read/once-upon-a-dream-768">here</a>.</em></p>
<p>What if John F. Kennedy and Marilyn Monroe stole a time-traveling DeLorean and teleported to the future to get married?</p>
<p>That’s the burning question answered in <em>Once Upon a Dream</em>,  filmmaker J. B. Ghuman Jr.’s new art project. The photo series casts  Jason Sellards (a.k.a. Jake Shears from the Scissor Sisters) as Kennedy  and NYC nightlife legend Amanda Lepore as Monroe.</p>
<p><span id="more-452"></span></p>
<p>Shot on location at the Skylark Hotel in Palm Springs (Mr. President  and Sugar Kane’s rumored hookup spot) and at the base of the  26-foot-tall <em>Forever Marilyn</em> statue, <em>Once Upon a Dream</em> turns the twosome’s private tragedy into public fantasy: glitter pops,  magical lighting crackles, and Marilyn shoots the paparazzi with a gray  plastic gun that looks suspiciously like the one I used to play  Nintendo’s <em>Duck Hunt</em>.</p>
<p>For Lepore, who says Monroe is an inspiration, it was important to  bring joy to the story. “She recreated herself, which most transsexuals  can identify with,” Lepore told me. “Marilyn was unhappy being Marilyn,  but I’m happy like this. I feel like ‘Marilyn’s Revenge.’”</p>
<p>Make no mistake though: She might be Monroe’s reincarnation, but Lepore  is an East Coast woman. “I loved the whole thing since I got to be next  to Amanda,” Jake Shears said of the shoot. “Because I was just starting  to get a little homesick for New York&#8230; and basically Amanda just  straight up is New York.”</p>
<p>And the shoot is straight up Ghuman. It reminded me of his 2010 directorial debut, <em>Spork</em>. Like a John Hughes flick from another dimension, <em>Spork</em> followed the travails and triumphs of an intersex girl nicknamed Spork  and her dancing neighbor Tootsie Roll. Despite the film’s low budget,  Ghuman managed to distil glitter and trash into a sumptuous, whacked-out  dreamworld where reality is optional and time is relative—an aesthetic  carried through in <em>Once Upon a Dream</em>.</p>
<p>To find out more about Ghuman&#8217;s newest vision, I called the director to talk about his Monroe-Kennedy fantasy.</p>
<p><strong>VICE: How did this shoot come together?</strong><br />
<strong>J.B. Ghuman Jr.:</strong> Reggie Cameron, who produced the  installation (a.k.a. Money Bags), said Amanda Lepore is going to be here  for a different function, and would I be into doing a single photo of  her underneath the Marilyn Monroe statue, because she’s constantly  saying that Marilyn is her inspiration. I&#8217;d met Amanda before—through <a href="http://cazwell.com/" target="_blank">Cazwell</a>, because I&#8217;ve done videos with him—and I thought this could be cool.</p>
<p><strong>What inspired you to create an art project about Kennedy and Monroe?</strong><br />
[Monroe and Kennedy’s relationship was] always looked on as this  shameful thing; she was a slut and he was a playboy. I&#8217;m not saying  either of those are true because I wasn&#8217;t there, but I wasn&#8217;t trying to  put a spotlight on any truth about them. I was just trying to use their  situation and flip it. Like how cute would it be if they did steal a  DeLorean and said, “Fuck it, we&#8217;re going to the future? Let’s get  married, let’s go to this hotel, and make it public, and let&#8217;s just be  in love!”</p>
<p><strong>What’s your broader vision for these art projects?</strong><br />
Buckle up, girl, cause it&#8217;s bright, it&#8217;s quick, and it&#8217;s crazy—and it  has lots of glitter. When you know you&#8217;re different, no matter where  you&#8217;re at, you become very imaginative. Not to get too heavy on you, but  my dad became stardust about four years ago. When that happened, I kind  of lost my identity. When I rebuilt myself, the only thing that didn&#8217;t  get blown away was my childlike heart. All that stirred inside me into  some mumbo jumbo until I figured: Fuck it. Let&#8217;s be cool. Let&#8217;s make  stuff where people like it so it&#8217;s a hit, but on the flip side there&#8217;s  an echo to it, like it creates a certain positive energy when you look  at it.</p>
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		<title>Trans Writer Sybil Lamb Wrote a Novel About Surviving a Hate Crime</title>
		<link>http://hughryan.org/trans-writer-sybil-lamb-wrote-a-novel-about-surviving-a-hate-crime</link>
		<comments>http://hughryan.org/trans-writer-sybil-lamb-wrote-a-novel-about-surviving-a-hate-crime#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Sun, 17 Aug 2014 22:43:29 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>hugh</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[VICE]]></category>
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		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://hughryan.org/?p=455</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[First published on VICE.com, August 17, 2014. Read the original, with photos, here.
Trans author and artist Sybil Lamb was living in George W. Bush’s version of The Hunger Games—also  known as post-Katrina New Orleans—when two men beat her with an iron  pipe, taking a chunk out of her skull, and then left her for dead [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><em>First published on VICE.com, August 17, 2014. Read the original, with photos, <a href="http://www.vice.com/read/trans-writer-sybil-lamb-wrote-a-roman-a-clef-about-surviving-a-hate-crime">here</a>.</em></p>
<p>Trans author and artist Sybil Lamb was living in George W. Bush’s version of <em>The Hunger Games</em>—also  known as post-Katrina New Orleans—when two men beat her with an iron  pipe, taking a chunk out of her skull, and then left her for dead in a  rail yard. She received emergency surgery for over five hours, and the  subsequent brain damage affected her balance, memory, and language  abilities.</p>
<p>Lamb has transformed this experience and her travels around America into a new book called <em>I’ve Got a Time Bomb</em>.  Like her survival, the book is magical—and I don’t mean charming or  full of glitter. (OK, maybe a little glitter.) I mean magical, as in a  logic-defying story that deeply moves the reader. Interested in learning  more about Lamb&#8217;s novel, I spoke to her about her writing and  survival.</p>
<p><span id="more-455"></span></p>
<p><strong>VICE: I loved the book. What motivated you to write it?</strong></p>
<p><strong>Sybil Lamb: </strong>I needed to list the [reasons why] my last  five relationships went bad, [to discuss] my own ongoing  mild flirtations with substances, and to talk about that one time I got  my head bashed open. When I woke up, I had a plastic head that was  missing a lot of cognitive functions, and I&#8217;m still just a little bit  brain damaged. All the stuff was in other books, from five or seven  different zines or short stories from the past ten years. “How to Kill  Queer Scum Properly” was the original version of the bashing with a pipe  story, but [Topside Press] got me to rewrite the whole thing in third  person for the readers.</p>
<p><strong>How close is the story to your life?</strong><br />
That&#8217;s a fun question. It&#8217;s written in brain-damaged bits of punk rock,  so I tried to get a sticker on the front that said 88 percent  completely true. The bashing story was completely true though—100  fucking percent.</p>
<p><strong>Are there any major differences between the book and your life?</strong><br />
The only real difference is Trifle and I never actually shot a girl in  the leg. (I will totally put that out there right now: I never shot any  girl in the leg.) There&#8217;s a syringe fight story that&#8217;s really cool that  didn&#8217;t get in the book, but that&#8217;ll be in <em>I&#8217;ve Got a Time Bomb Two</em>, out in 2018. Also, I didn&#8217;t just go around the complete North America once. I went around about three times.</p>
<p><strong>What’s your life like nowadays?</strong><br />
I am in Toronto—that&#8217;s the other difference from the book. I&#8217;m no  longer a crazy, homeless, wandering wreck. Look at this awesome studio I  have. The whole building is intact; it&#8217;s nuts. I&#8217;m still getting used  to it. I&#8217;ve [lived in a house] for almost six years now—and I&#8217;m still  freaked out—but I managed to sell all my old punk rock friends out, and I  have cashed in. I got at least a steady supply of money, so I can drink  and buy cheap dresses [when travelling] in Brooklyn.</p>
<p><strong>At one point, the protagonist helps another character with what  she calls an “important downward spiral.” What is an “important  downward spiral?”</strong><br />
I feel like so many people need to go test the worst waters—not just  test the waters but test the rapids. It&#8217;s like picking a scab; it&#8217;s like  pulling out your little hairs one at a time. You can think of it as a  rite of passage, but a rite of passage for whom? Why do you have to keep  proving you can take so much? If you can take more, and you&#8217;re  unbreakable, you&#8217;ve gotta just keep doing it—gotta keep building up your  calluses until you&#8217;re the toughest pile of calloused calluses,  smoothed-over warts, and raw hardtack with feet. But you can never  really know beauty and intimacy and the reassuring-ness of a touch until  you&#8217;ve seen horror, hatred, and how not nice a touch can feel. That&#8217;s  an important downward spiral.</p>
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		<title>A Warhol Girl with Banksy Talent</title>
		<link>http://hughryan.org/a-warhol-girl-with-banksy-talent</link>
		<comments>http://hughryan.org/a-warhol-girl-with-banksy-talent#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Thu, 14 Aug 2014 15:16:52 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>hugh</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[The Daily Beast]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Arts & Culture]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Book Review]]></category>
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		<category><![CDATA[YA]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://hughryan.org/?p=468</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[First published on The Daily Beast, August 3, 2014. Read the original here.

Forever ago in the  mid ’60s, a sylph of a girl named Edie Sedgwick captivated the world—or  at least Andy Warhol, and through his Factory and his films and his  photos, everything and everyone else that mattered. She was the [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><em>First published on The Daily Beast, August 3, 2014. Read the original <a href="http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2014/08/14/a-ya-novel-about-a-warhol-girl-with-banksy-talent.html">here</a>.<br />
</em></p>
<p>Forever ago in the  mid ’60s, a sylph of a girl named Edie Sedgwick captivated the world—or  at least Andy Warhol, and through his Factory and his films and his  photos, everything and everyone else that mattered. She was the American  art world’s “It Girl,” the source material for numerous plays, books,  and movies, even the alleged inspiration for Bob Dylan’s “Like a Rolling  Stone.”</p>
<p>Perhaps that’s part of what inspired the name of the eponymous heroine in Adele Griffin’s addictive new YA novel, <em><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Unfinished-Life-Addison-Stone-Novel/dp/1616953608/ref=as_at?tag=thedailybeast-autotag-20&amp;linkCode=as2&amp;" target="_blank">The Unfinished Life of Addison Stone</a></em>.  In a phone interview, Griffin says the book is, in part, homage to  Sedgwick, whom Griffin stumbled upon as a child when a library  mis-shelved the biography <em>Edie: American Girl</em> in between the <em>Nancy Drews</em> and the <em>Hardy Boys</em>.</p>
<p><span id="more-468"></span>“It sounds like it could have been a kid’s book, right?” says the  two-time National Book Award finalist with a sly laugh. “But … I knew it  wasn’t.”</p>
<p>Sedgwick  has haunted Griffin ever since. “There was no one in my neighborhood  who lived this kind of fabulous, decadent life,” she recalls of her  childhood, which she spent mostly on Army bases. “It set my mind on  fire.”</p>
<p>That blaze of childhood adulation burst into full flame in  the character of Addison Stone, a post-millennial Edie Sedgwick who is  “more gorgeous, more reckless, more tragic, more talented” than the  original. And this time, she’s also her own Warhol, making her own art,  creating her own image. Or as Griffin puts it, Stone is “Edie as  Banksy,” referring to the British graffiti and installation artist whose  work routinely pushes the boundaries of what high art is and says.</p>
<p>Griffin’s  book pushes genre boundaries as well. Conceived of as a “docu-novel,”  the story is told entirely in interview segments, as an attempt to  reconstruct the meteoric rise and terrible fall (both literal and  figurative) of Addison Stone. Griffin is herself a character in the  novel, the invisible hand on the other end of the tape recorder in all  the interviews. Stone is a precocious artist who goes from  lower-middle-class suburbia, to the Whitney Biennial, to her own  mysterious death in just a few short years. Along the way, she manages  to pick up a Victorian ghost, a wealthy patron, a sleazy agent, two  not-always-good-for-her boyfriends, and a cast of trust fund friends  that one could easily imagine are the <a href="http://richkidsofinstagram.tumblr.com/" target="_blank">Rich Kids of Instagram</a>.</p>
<p>The main challenge for Griffin was to imbue this art-world story with  enough energy to work as young adult fiction, where everything is  bigger, brighter, and more. “I needed less of my trip to Frieze with my  husband,” Griffin jokes, and more of a young girl’s fantasy life.  Luckily for Griffin, that life literally walked into her kitchen one  day, when a friend brought over up-and-coming model Giza Lagarce.</p>
<p>“She was so stunning, and so … <em>Edie</em>,” Griffin recalls. “I thought, ‘More of that! More of that!’”</p>
<p>Lagarce  became the embodiment of Stone, bringing with her not just her stunning  looks, but her wealth of Facebook photos, which Griffin began to “write  into” in order to breath the necessary life into the novel. She cites  finding Lagarce as the “major rewrite” of the process, and the resulting  meld of obviously real images with supposedly real interviews helps to  further shatter the line between fake and fact in her story.</p>
<p>But  Lagarce isn’t Addison Stone’s only real world analogue. Griffin mined  the portfolios of four artists to create the vast collection of images  that dot the book. The particulars of the plot, Griffin says, emerged  from the interplay between the Sedgwick story she imagined, and the  artworks that captivated her. Sophie, a minor character, was created  specifically so that Stone could use a portrait by <a href="http://michellerawlings.com" target="_blank">Michelle Rawlings</a> of a young girl with a bloody nose—a portrait she now owns, along with a few of the other “Addison Stone” pieces from the book.</p>
<p>Yet despite all of the photos and paintings and interviews, Stone  remains an enigma—this isn’t a mystery novel with a stunning twist at  the end, which may disappoint some readers. The mystery here is Stone  herself, not what happened to her. But what rises unexpectedly from  reading the novel is a lesson that all teenagers would do well to learn:  We are all of us mysteries. As characters debate the true nature of  Addison Stone, they reveal just how little they know each other and  themselves, and how much they project their own beliefs, fears, and  hopes onto the world. Stone might shine a little brighter, take up a  little more of the oxygen in the room, but she is no more mysterious  than anyone else—there are just more people asking questions.</p>
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		<title>Smells Like Teen Terror</title>
		<link>http://hughryan.org/smells-like-teen-terror</link>
		<comments>http://hughryan.org/smells-like-teen-terror#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Sun, 03 Aug 2014 15:13:26 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>hugh</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[The Daily Beast]]></category>
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		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://hughryan.org/?p=464</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[First published on The Daily Beast, August 3, 2014. Read the original, with photos, here.
Once, after the  midnight premiere of a summer blockbuster, I got trapped on the top  floor of a giant multiplex. Three packed showings let out  simultaneously, and the theater, in all its infinite parsimony, had shut  down [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><em>First published on The Daily Beast, August 3, 2014. Read the original, with photos, <a href="http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2014/08/03/the-war-inside-terrorism-teenhood-in-no-dawn-without-darkness.html">here</a>.</em></p>
<p>Once, after the  midnight premiere of a summer blockbuster, I got trapped on the top  floor of a giant multiplex. Three packed showings let out  simultaneously, and the theater, in all its infinite parsimony, had shut  down everything but the bare minimum required to allow us to exit: one  narrow stairwell plunging down four flights, lit mostly by dim emergency  lighting.</p>
<p>It didn’t take long for a bottleneck to form at the top  of the stairs, which quickly became an impatient crowd, all of us  punchy with exhaustion and excitement. Soon people were shouting. Then  shoving. The crowd began to lurch violently, as small motions rippled  out into panicked attempts to break away. Thankfully, before a  full-fledged riot could begin, people pulled down the stanchions and  velvet ropes that blocked off the other stairs, and we exploded safely  outward in a dozen different directions.</p>
<p><span id="more-464"></span>But that visceral  experience of the crowd as a capricious-yet-mindless entity has stayed  with me ever since. It is this feeling that Dayna Lorentz’s bestselling  YA series <em><a href="http://www.nosafetyinnumbersbooks.com/" target="_blank">No Safety in Numbers</a></em> conjures up in its readers. It’s not just fear or panic, but that  sickening moment of inversion where a familiar setting becomes  dangerous, and normal people become deadly.</p>
<p>The third book in the series, <em><a href="http://www.amazon.com/No-Dawn-without-Darkness-Numbers/dp/0803738757/ref=as_at?tag=thedailybeast-autotag-20&amp;linkCode=as2&amp;" target="_blank">No Dawn Without Darkness</a></em>,  follows an ensemble of teens quarantined in a mall after a terrorist  attack releases a highly contagious, extremely deadly flu virus. The  four main protagonists are Ryan, a perfect high school jock hiding a  brutal home life; Shay, a beautiful young girl trying to protect her  sister and grandmother; Lexi, the computer nerd whose mother, a U.S.  senator, is trying to maintain some fragile order; and Marco, the loner  struggling to survive in the shadows. With them are thousands of other  hapless mall-goers, descending rapidly into deadly anarchy. By book  three, not only are they trapped, sick, and terrified, they are  starving, cut off from any outside communication, and plunged into  pitch-blackness.</p>
<p>Thankfully, in Lorentz’s hands, the books never  devolve into terrorism porn or some kind of teen-James Bond spy romp.  “It’s much more about these characters,” she says, than the situation.  “Terrorism gives me an opportunity to put people through an emotional  experience.”</p>
<p>That’s not to say that you won’t find characters  turning a wide variety of mall goods into incendiary devices. Indeed,  Lorentz jokes that her research for the books has definitely put her on  some terrorism watch lists. But the stories she tells from within the  mall focus on the most basic job of all teenagers, regardless of their  circumstances: surviving and becoming an adult. Lorentz shows us how  these particular conditions—lack of supervision, imminent threat of  death—merely serve to hasten and distort a process that all young people  must go through. This is not a book about a bomb; rather, it is a book  about children stumbling toward adulthood through an almost literal  minefield.</p>
<p>“A lot of extremity you see in YA  is merely attempting to capture the intensity” of being a teen, Lorentz  says. “You go to high school and it’s a fight for survival to get  through the day. No one is on your side.”</p>
<p>Some adults focus on the  terrorism and violence in the series, Lorentz says, and question if  it’s too much for teen readers. Teens, on the other hand, read it as a  perfect metaphor for what they already experience on a daily basis. And  if we’re looking at the question of violence or emotionally disturbing  material, <em>No Dawn Without Darkness</em> is not that far removed from YA novels set in World War II, during slavery, or on the frontier.</p>
<p>“I’ve  never heard a teenager say ‘This book was too violent for me,’” Lorentz  says. Instead, most of the responses she’s gotten are from boys, who  are excited to read about “football players who aren’t automatically the  bad guy.”</p>
<p>Indeed, one of the most fascinating aspects of the  story is watching the male characters struggle with the meaning of  manhood. Perhaps because the YA audience is predominantly female, it’s  rare to come across a series that so sensitively explores the many  fraught routes that the “average” American boy can take to adulthood,  and the concurrent violence they both experience and enact along the  way. The title <em>No Dawn Without Darkness</em> might refer to the  literal dark-and-dawn experienced by the denizens of the mall in this  book, but it is also a reminder that light and dark live within all of  us, even kids—even “good” kids. Lorentz is not afraid to explore the  best and the worst in her protagonists. In an interesting twist in this  age of dystopian fiction, her narrators are, in the end, able to go back  home, where they face perhaps their hardest challenge yet: to reconcile  who they have become with who they were, and who they want to be. It’s a  challenge even teens who haven’t been trapped in a terrorist attack  will understand very well.</p>
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		<title>Colby Keller Is the Marina Abramovic of Gay Porn</title>
		<link>http://hughryan.org/colby-keller-is-the-marina-abramovic-of-gay-porn</link>
		<comments>http://hughryan.org/colby-keller-is-the-marina-abramovic-of-gay-porn#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Sat, 05 Jul 2014 22:04:44 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>hugh</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[VICE]]></category>
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		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://hughryan.org/?p=449</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[First published on VICE.com, July 5, 2014. Read the original here.
Like many gay porn stars, Colby Keller has a knack for versatility—and  I’m not talking about how he’s worked as both a pitcher and a catcher.  In between working for the top companies in gay porn—including Randy  Blue, CockyBoys, and (controversially) Treasure [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><em>First published on VICE.com, July 5, 2014. Read the original <a href="http://www.vice.com/read/colby-keller-is-the-marina-abramovic-of-gay-porn" target="_blank">here</a>.</em></p>
<p>Like many gay porn stars, Colby Keller has a knack for <a href="http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=vers" target="_blank">versatility</a>—and  I’m not talking about how he’s worked as both a pitcher and a catcher.  In between working for the top companies in gay porn—including Randy  Blue, CockyBoys, and (<a href="http://thesword.com/milking-gate-colby-keller-responds-to-controversy-stemming-from-his-treasure-island-media-appearance.html" target="_blank">controversially</a>) Treasure Island Media—Keller has put his anthropology degree to good use, writing about <a href="http://bigshoediaries.blogspot.com/2013/10/pieces-of-eight.html?zx=3a43d32554d7dcac" target="_blank">art</a>, <a href="http://bigshoediaries.blogspot.com/2014/03/my-body-is-condom-kinda.html" target="_blank">barebacking</a>, and <a href="http://bigshoediaries.blogspot.com/2013/01/capital-offense.html" target="_blank">capitalism</a> on his blog, <a href="bigshoediaries.blogspot.com:" target="_blank">Big Shoe Diaries</a>.</p>
<p>For years now, I’ve wondered about what goes on in the dirty mind  behind Keller’s goofball grin. When someone told me Keller was giving  away all of his possessions—except for a plaque of Lenin—as part of an  art project, my curiosity was seriously piqued. With all of his  possessions discarded, Keller&#8217;s now embarking on “Colby Does America…  and Canada Too!”—a lengthy road trip to make art, meet people, and get  laid. In each state Keller will <a href="http://www.nextmagazine.com/content/colby-keller-does-america-and-canada-back-van" target="_blank">film himself fucking a guy in the back of a van</a> in the name of art. Wanting to know more about the Marina Abramovic of  gay porn, I caught up with Keller at a Pret A Manger in New York to  discuss his art projects, capitalism, and why porn is better than his  “horrible, evil job” at Neiman Marcus.</p>
<p><strong>VICE: Why did you decide to create your van project? </strong><br />
<strong>Colby Keller</strong>: I don&#8217;t have a house, I don&#8217;t have a  home, I don&#8217;t have a destination, and I don&#8217;t—for at least the immediate  time period—want to think of one. The van is a way of thinking about  home on the road, and also thinking about our future, because we&#8217;re all  probably going to have to set out in vans and move around, and there  will be a lot of displaced people, and a lot of people will die. I want  to embrace this future we&#8217;re making for ourselves and that capitalism  and this horrible landlord are forcing me into. There’s a porn trope  where they&#8217;re going to fuck the whole country, so I’m gonna fuck  America! America has certainly fucked me, and I&#8217;m going to fuck back—but  in a nice, positive way.</p>
<p><strong>What made you become a porn star?</strong><br />
I was taking courses at the University of Houston in their studio art  program, and I really didn&#8217;t like it. So I dropped out of the program  and graduated with a degree in anthropology, but there aren&#8217;t a lot of  lucrative jobs out there in the field, and we were in another recession.  I was also curious about porn. My favorite site was Sean Cody, and just  on a lark, I was going to send in some nude pictures, totally expecting  to be rejected—actually, I kind of <em>wanted</em> to be rejected. I  wanted them to tell me I wasn’t worthy! And then they came back and  said, “Oh no. We&#8217;re actually interested.” I was like, “Oh man. God,  they&#8217;re into it! Do I have to do this? I guess I have to.”</p>
<p>I eventually got other jobs while I was in Texas. I worked for Neiman  Marcus, a horrible, horrible, evil job. They didn&#8217;t want to consider me a  full-time worker, even though I worked there for two years, 70 hours a  week, just cause they didn&#8217;t want to give me health insurance and they  wanted to pay me $10 less than anyone else on staff.</p>
<p><strong>You often discuss capitalism. Capitalism clearly affects our  work lives, but how does it affect our porn consumption and sex lives?</strong><br />
I have some guilt when it comes to that, because porn specifically  presents a problem. Does porn inform people&#8217;s sexuality, or does porn  simply try to access those things in your sexuality to sell itself to  you? Obviously, the product always does this thing where you&#8217;re never  completely fulfilled, so you buy more of it. As a porn performer I feel  somewhat responsible for that, because sometimes the images that porn  produces aren&#8217;t healthy ones. It&#8217;s very formulaic: We&#8217;re going to give  each other mutual blowjobs, maybe the top will eat the bottom&#8217;s ass,  then there are three fucking positions, then they both come. Who in  [his] right mind has sex like that?</p>
<p><strong>You’re a porn performer and also an artist. Do you identify as a performance artist or as a visual artist?</strong><br />
I try to think of it as everything. I don’t want to put a limit in  terms of what mediums I can use, but to me the main medium is Colby  Keller. Art projects for me need laws—creating a law gives you the power  to break the law, which is the best part of having one—but I don&#8217;t want  rules to limit the kinds of tools I can appropriate as an artist.</p>
<p><strong>With performers like James Deen pursuing porn and other  careers, porn has become more mainstream, like it was in the 70s. Why do  you think this is happening? </strong><br />
Part of that is about the structural and financial problems that the  business itself is encountering, and about social media. The late 80s  and early 90s were the golden era of gay porn, and models got paid  really well. Companies controlled the images of their models under an  exclusive contract. They would do all the work of marketing you and  making you a star, kind of like the old Hollywood system. Now there&#8217;s  much more pressure for the models themselves to do promotional work—to  be on Twitter and Instagram and Facebook. In some ways it’s good to have  ownership of that image, but also it&#8217;s a lot of work you&#8217;re not getting  paid for.</p>
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		<title>How to Date a Gay Novelist Who Is Older Than Your Dad</title>
		<link>http://hughryan.org/how-to-date-a-gay-novelist-who-is-older-than-your-dad</link>
		<comments>http://hughryan.org/how-to-date-a-gay-novelist-who-is-older-than-your-dad#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Sat, 21 Jun 2014 21:57:34 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>hugh</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[VICE]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Art]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Arts & Culture]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Book Review]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[LGBTQ]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Profiles / Interviews]]></category>
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		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://hughryan.org/?p=442</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[First published on VICE.com, June 21, 2014. Read the original here.
When I was 25, I moved to Berlin with a beat-up copy of Christopher Isherwood’s The Berlin Stories tucked in my bag. Like many hobosexuals and fagabonds before me, I  considered the book a lodestone, a guide to transmuting aimless  searching and polymorphous [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><em>First published on VICE.com, June 21, 2014. Read the original <a href="http://www.vice.com/read/how-to-date-a-gay-novelist-who-is-older-than-your-dad" target="_blank">here</a>.</em></p>
<p>When I was 25, I moved to Berlin with a beat-up copy of Christopher Isherwood’s <em>The Berlin Stories</em> tucked in my bag. Like many hobosexuals and fagabonds before me, I  considered the book a lodestone, a guide to transmuting aimless  searching and polymorphous desire into meaningful experiences. So when I  heard that Farrar, Straus, and Giroux was releasing <em>The Animals</em>,<em> </em>a collection of the letters of Isherwood and his longtime lover, artist Don Bachardy,<em> </em>I knew I had to read it.</p>
<p>Bachardy met Isherwood when he was 18 and Isherwood was 48 (a year  older than Bachardy’s own father). Despite the age difference, the  couple spent the next 33 years together. Though love affairs and  artistic exploits frequently sent them ricocheting around the world,  they maintained a deep and unbreakable connection. They expressed this  affection (and frustration) through “the Animals,” personae the two  adopted in their letters. Bachardy acted as Kitty and Isherwood called  himself Dobbin, Kitty&#8217;s faithful horse.</p>
<p>Bachardy, now 80, still lives in the house the couple shared in Santa  Monica. Shaking with faggoty fan boy excitement, I called Bachardy to  discuss <em>The Animals </em>and what it&#8217;s like dating a famous old man who was older than his dad.</p>
<p><strong><span id="more-442"></span>VICE: How did your letters become a book?</strong><br />
<strong>Don Bachardy:</strong> It was my idea. I&#8217;d saved all of Chris&#8217;s  letters, and after his death, I found that he’d saved all of mine.  Reading through them just made me think the material was too good not to  share it with others. There&#8217;s almost nothing, no letter in the book,  that is missing, except one, though I can&#8217;t remember now where in the  sequence it is.</p>
<p><strong>Did you ever discuss publishing something like this with Chris before he died?</strong><br />
No, no, no. And the animals at the time would have been horrified at  the suggestion that they would ever be revealed and their letters [would  be] published in a book. They would have been quite shocked by such an  idea.</p>
<p><strong>What changed your thinking?</strong><br />
I came across both sets of letters and it was very strange reading them  again, but interesting too. There were even some laughs in the  material, our attempts to entertain each other. There were things I  would have liked to have changed—would have changed if I could—but then  it&#8217;s always a mistake to tamper with any mementos of the past.</p>
<p><strong>How did you meet Isherwood? Had you read his books?</strong><br />
I&#8217;d seen a production of <em>I Am a Camera </em>[the play adaptation of <em>The Berlin Stories</em> which was later turned into the musical <em>Cabaret</em>].  It was the road company, here in LA, at the Biltmore Theater downtown.  I&#8217;d actually already met Chris on the beach with my brother on summer  weekends—he was one of the many people my brother introduced me to—but  it wasn&#8217;t until February of 1953 that Chris and I started seeing a lot  of each other. It hadn&#8217;t occurred to me that the “Herr Issy-voo” of <em>I Am a Camera </em>was  actually the man I was getting to know. He had to tell me himself, and  of course, I remembered the play, and eventually I got to meet Julie  Harris [who played Sally Bowles in <em>I Am a Camera</em>] because he and Julie had become good friends because of the play.</p>
<p><strong>How did people react to the age difference between the two of you when you started your relationship? </strong><br />
They freaked out about it at the time, all those years ago, because  Chris wasn&#8217;t in the closet. He couldn&#8217;t very well pretend to be anything  but queer. And everybody knew this very young looking friend he was  going around with—they knew he wasn&#8217;t his son. It was considered quite  shocking by people who guessed this relationship with a 30-year age  difference. That was not at all usual in those days, and certainly not  at all usual that neither party was hiding. No beards required! We just  brazened it out. Also, we were both artists, so that made it easier. If  we had nine-to-five jobs in a clerk&#8217;s office, it would have been much  tougher because different standards apply.</p>
<p><strong>How was your life as an artist affected by dating Isherwood?</strong><br />
I would never have become an artist except for Isherwood. It was he who  constantly urged me to consider being an artist. When we met I showed  him drawings that I was doing as an 18-year-old. They were copied from  magazine pictures, mostly of movie actors. I did them freehand. Chris  saw that I had a real flair for drawing and kept after me: “Why don&#8217;t  you go to art school?”</p>
<p>Well, it took me three years before I dared to make the jump. I was  frightened of failing, but his continual support and interest in the  work I was doing in art school, once I got started, was invaluable to  me. I could never believe in myself as an artist without his support at  the time. That was essential to me.</p>
<p><strong>Was it difficult to get people to take you seriously as first?</strong><br />
Yes, because I looked so young and presentable, and most of Chris&#8217;s  friends were around his age or older, so it wasn&#8217;t so easy for me to be  taken seriously by anybody—especially since I hadn&#8217;t established myself  yet as an artist. That&#8217;s why being an artist was so important! I had to  have an identity of my own that was more than just Chris&#8217;s boyfriend.</p>
<p><strong>Did the age difference concern either of you?</strong><br />
No. I naturally gravitated to people older than I was. It was just  instinctive. I knew I could learn so much more from them, and for some  reason or another, I had few friends my own age in my school years. So I  was ripe to meet an older distinguished man who could give me very,  very good advice, which Chris always did.</p>
<p><strong>My favorite paintings you’ve done are the portraits you did of Chris in the last six months of his life. </strong><br />
I was doing close-ups, these close-ups of what Chris was going through  at the time. He was lying in bed, and I was hovering over him, just a  few feet away. I don&#8217;t know of any other artist who has ever done  close-up drawings of someone dying day after day, week after week. It  seemed so appropriate to me because Chris had urged me to be an artist.  And here I was with a model who I knew very well, who I&#8217;d drawn and  painted through our 33 years together. And here he was dying, and it was  a way of being with him intensely for much more of the day because I  was drawing him. I was with him and looking at him in a way that I only  looked at somebody when [I was] drawing or painting that person, so I  could be with him intimately. It felt like dying was something he and I  were doing together.</p>
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